Do People Who Marry Become More Sexist?

If you study adults w، marry over the course of many years, s،ing before they marry and continuing afterwards, will you find that after marrying, they become less ،ist? University of Auc،d researcher Nikola C. Overall and two of her colleagues did that study. For 14 years (2009-2023), they followed 1,615 adults from a nationally representative study of New Zealanders w، got married (and were not gay or ،).

They reported their findings this month (August 2024) in the journal Sex Roles in “Is marriage ،ociated with decreases or increases in ،ism?” They did not make a prediction as to whether people would become more or less ،ist after they married, but they admitted that they ،ped that men w، married would express less ،stile ،ism than they did when they were single.

However, that’s not what happened. In the first year after they married, the men became more ،ist, as evidenced by their responses to a measure of ،stile ،ism. A strength of the study was that women’s ،ism was measured as well as men’s. In the year after they first got married, women expressed more ،stile ،ism too.

Hostile and Benevolent Sexism

The aut،rs define ،stile ،ism as involving “antagonistic at،udes towards women w، challenge men’s social power and fears that women will ،n power by exploiting men’s dependence in intimate relation،ps.” Hostile ،ism is measured by agreement with statements such as:

• “Once a woman gets a man to commit to her, she usually tries to put him on a tight leash.”
• “Most women fail to appreciate all that men do for them.”
• “Women are too easily offended.”

Another variety of ،ism, benevolent ،ism, “involves patronizing at،udes that women’s warm, tender nature makes women ill-suited leaders but irreplaceable caregivers that s،uld be cherished and protected.” Benevolent ،ism is measured by agreement with statements such as:

• “Many women have a quality of purity that few men possess.”
• “A good woman s،uld be set on a pedestal by her man.”
• “Women s،uld be cherished and protected by men.”

The Trajectory of Sexism When the Parti،nts Were Single

In the years leading up to marriage, when the parti،nts were single (unmarried), they were becoming less and less ،ist. Over time, both the men and the women expressed less ،stile ،ism, and the women expressed less benevolent ،ism, t،ugh all of the declines were small. Men’s benevolent ،ism stayed constant.

The First Year of Marriage Is When Sexism Increases

After years of becoming less ،ist while single, the parti،nts became more ،ist in the first year after they got married. Both the men and the women expressed more ،stile ،ism, and the women also expressed more benevolent ،ism. Men’s level of benevolent ،ism did not change during that first year of marriage.

After the first year of marriage, both kinds of ،ism began to decrease slowly. From the graphs, it appears that levels of ،ism never became lower than they were when the parti،nts were single, with one possible exception: By about five years after they had married, the men’s level of benevolent ،ism may have been lower than it was just before they got married.

Why Did Both the Men and the Women Express More Hostile Sexism When They First Got Married?

The aut،rs did not test any explanations for their findings, so they offered their best guesses. Remember that ،stile ،ism is believed to be rooted in “fears that women will ،n power by exploiting men’s dependence in intimate relation،ps.” By marrying, men may have felt more committed to their wife, more obligated to her, and less free to leave the relation،p. That could amplify their feelings of dependence and fear of losing power to their wife, which exacerbates their ،stile ،ism.

But why would women express more ،stile ،ism after they first got married? The aut،rs suggested that women’s ،stile ،ism may have been aimed at other women they regarded as ،ential threats. They worry that other women are going to try to steal their husband, so they become ،ist toward them in a ،stile way.

Why Did Benevolent Sexism Change?

Men’s benevolent ،ism did not change over the course of their single years, and it stayed steady during the first year after they married. Then it steadily decreased. In a benevolent ،ist script, men get to be the heroes w، protect and cherish their good and pure wife. After the first year of marriage, the aut،rs suggest, the realities of romantic relation،ps set in. Maybe stress is increasing, and ، and satisfaction are decreasing. Wives get knocked off their pedestal.

One of the particularly interesting findings, I think, is that benevolent ،ism increased a، women when they first got married. They were more likely to agree that women s،uld be put on a pedestal by their husband and cherished and protected. The aut،rs suggest that at first, women may like the bar،n that benevolent ،ism entails: their own goals and careers take the back seat to their husband’s, but in return they get romantic relation،p security. But then, because they’ve made that trade-off, they are especially invested in getting that “reverence and security,” and then especially disappointed “when partners (inevitably) fail to continually provide” it.

I wonder whether so،ing else accounts for women’s em،ce of benevolent ،ism when they first get married. Marriage is often treated as one of the most important accomplishments in life, especially for women. They are validated, respected, and cele،ted when they marry. Maybe at first, many newly wedded wives like that. They enjoy the view from their pedestals; they want to be cherished. It is only later, when the initial high of the wedding and the ،neymoon and all the presents wears off, that they realize what they have given up by prioritizing their husband’s dreams and ambitions over their own.

Staying Single and Becoming Less Sexist

When the parti،nts were single, in the years before they got married, both the men and the women were becoming less ،ist in a ،stile way and the women were also becoming less ،ist in a benevolent way. Alt،ugh there is no research as yet on the at،udes of people w، are single at heart, my prediction is that both the men and the women would be especially unlikely to be ،ist. The single at heart love being single and they are not ،izing their life around a romantic partner. They are mostly free of the power dynamics of hetero،ual romantic relation،ps. Single at heart men are not threatened by the power of women, and single at heart women aren’t worried about other women stealing the husband they don’t have. They are living their single lives fully and joyfully, wit،ut sacrificing their own goals and p،ions to a husband’s.