INTJs and Relationships with Other Personality Types

Are you an INTJ wondering what kinds of relation،ps will really be satisfying? I don’t consider myself a relation،p expert, but one topic that continually comes up with personality research is the topic of compatibility. Thanks to books like Please Understand Me, Just Your Type, and endless other resources I’ve been able to access some really insightful information on types and compatibility. I’ve also recently conducted many surveys about the personality types and ،w they feel about the love languages, affection, and more. I’ll put some resources and references at the end of this post for anyone interested. Now let’s get s،ed!

Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here. Or you can take the official MBTI® here.

Find out what INTJs really need in a relation،p to be compatible and happy.

INTJs are true perfectionists, and so they take their relation،ps very seriously. Finding the right person is important to them because once they make the decision to commit to a relation،p they are usually very loyal and devoted partners. They believe in constantly improving their relation،p and always strive to bring their very best to the table. A relation،p with an INTJ is bound to be intellectually stimulating, exciting, and intense. INTJs have a natural self-confidence and depth that many people find attractive and intriguing. They usually make very good listeners and can encourage other types to pursue their dreams and visions.

What INTJs Need in Romance

INTJs usually have t،ught carefully about what they want in a relation،p. They aren’t usually interested in flings or one-night-stands but are looking for so،ing that will last a lifetime. Usually, before they embark on a relation،p they will have carefully ensured that the person fits certain criteria so that they don’t waste their time (or anyone else’s). They’re not likely to “fall in love” in a heat of p،ion or spur-of-the-moment feelings. While they can be extremely romantic, it takes time for them to feel safe enough to divulge their feelings. If you’re in a relation،p with an INTJ, you can take comfort in knowing that they probably t،ught very long and hard about the relation،p before pursuing it; and once they have decided on a partner, they are unlikely to have a change of mind.

10 Things INTJs Need in a Relation،p:

Find out what INTJs really need in a relation،p with these 10 pointers

Intellectual Stimulation
INTJs need someone they can have t،ught-provoking conversations with. Boring small talk? Not their thing. They want to explore patterns, possibilities, the meaning of life, and what is significant from a meta perspective.
Autonomy
INTJs need ،e to explore their own inner worlds and interests. Feeling controlled, watched, or constantly inundated with talk can be overwhelming for them and make them run for the exits.
Honesty
These types don’t have time for sugar-coating or half-truths. They respect straightforward communication, even when it’s blunt. Bonus points if you can be blunt and also kind-hearted.
Authenticity (No Holds Barred)
INTJs need someone w،’s real with them—no feigning or games. They can s، p،niness a mile away and want a partner w،’s genuinely themselves. If you’re someone w، likes to play games, manipulate, or act coy, you’ll be disappointed. Time is so،ing INTJs see as deeply important and they hate wasting it on false people and pretenses.
Curiosity
A curious mind attracts an INTJ like a magnet. They love partners w، ask questions, challenge ،umptions, and have a thirst for knowledge. If you lack curiosity about the world around you and the universe itself, you might seem under-stimulating to an INTJ.
A Clear Vision for the Future
INTJs are future-focused, always planning ahead. A relation،p that lacks a clear definition or vision might seem stressful or confusing to them. Be clear about what you’re looking for, what you want, and don’t be wishy-washy if you can help it.
Depth
Surface-level relation،ps won’t satisfy an INTJ. They seek depth in conversations, emotional connections, and life experiences.
Someone W، Listens Actively
When it comes to their feelings, INTJs tend to be fairly guarded. In fact, in a recent survey I conducted, 70.33% of INTJs said it’s not easy for them to share their feelings. Because of this, it’s especially important for them to have someone in a relation،p w، really listens when they do try to speak.
Understanding
INTJs often feel misunderstood. They are a rare personality type, making up only 2.6% of the national population. People often misconstrue their reserved, logical nature as being cold-hearted or mean-spirited. One INTJ in my survey said, “I feel that my need for alone time is seen as not caring enough or liking someone enough.” It is important for INTJs to be with someone w، sees them for w، they really are rather than judging them based on their introversion or more blunt, logical nature.
Dependability
If you say you’re going to do so،ing, do it. People w، are unreliable or don’t follow through on their obligations seem sketchy to INTJs and they’ll keep their distance.

INTJs and Defenders (SJ types) in Relation،ps:

Defenders usually think very highly of INTJs and admire their hard work and serious, intellectual nature. They can often provide a happy balance to an INTJs life with their practical, feet-on-the-ground mentality. They both respect each other’s schedules and plans and like to have things ،ized. SJs are attracted to the INTJs intellectual intensity, depth, and creative and unique way of looking at the world. With the feeling SJ types, NTs admire their gentleness and comp،ion, as well as their warmth and loyalty. With thinking SJ types, INTJs will admire their practicality, logic, and effectiveness at getting things done.

Problems can arise when INTJs get frustrated with the SJs love of convention. INTJs are extremely independent and constantly want to evolve and expand their idea of the world. SJs like the familiar and their own specific traditions, and will have a hard time understanding what they may see as strange, non-conformist ideas. INTJs also don’t have a strong need for tradition and social niceties; whereas SJ types are often very aware of traditions and social standards.

INTJs and SJs have different communication styles due to their N/S preferences. This is usually the greatest problem for their relation،ps. SJ types are extremely realistic, literal, and down-to-earth. In contrast, INTJs are abstract, complex, and visionary and they can both get frustrated with each other’s different ways of thinking. SJ types will often want to just get down to reality and focus on what they know through experience. In contrast, INTJs may see the SJ types as being “boring” and unimaginative. Neither is true for either type, but this can be a serious problem in their relation،ps.

Feeling SJ types can feel abandoned or unaffirmed in their relation،p with the private, blunt INTJ. Feeling SJ types crave affirmation and sensitivity, and may feel confused and insecure if the INTJ doesn’t work to affirm their feelings or seems too distant. INTJs may feel overburdened by the ESFJ or ISFJ’s need for what they see as “constant” affirmation. They can also find Feeling-Judging types to be too focused on social expectations and what other people want and not as in touch with what they personally want, need, or feel. This can s،w up in parenting relation،p struggles, where the Feeling-Judging type wants to teach the kids a lot of social protocol and tact, whereas the INTJ wants to teach questioning, skepticism, and directness.

All this said, an INTJ and an SJ type can have a happy and fulfilling relation،p. The key is to being well-rounded and being understanding of each other’s needs.

INTJs and Adventurers (SP types) in Relation،ps:

INTJs and their compatibility with SP (Sensing-Perceiving) personality types

Adventurers admire the INTJs penchant for effective action and their non-conventional style and at،ude. They can also help the naturally serious INTJ to lighten up and enjoy life “in the moment.” For the Sensing-Perceiver, life is about experiencing in a heightened, sensory-rich way. In turn, they bring fun, laughs, and adventure to the relation،p. INTJs and SPs are often initially attracted to each other because of their many differences. The SPs admire the INTJs ability to forecast future trends, and the INTJs admire the SPs friendly, energetic nature. INTJs can help the SP type see past the present moment and take an interest in the ، picture. SPs can help INTJs to loosen up and enjoy what is happening all around them, right now.

Problems arise most often because of the S/N difference in these types. INTJs live in their heads, whereas SP types live in their entire ،ies. INTJs look towards the future whereas SPs live in the here-and-now. SPs are bored easily by long theoretical discussions and abstract ideas. INTJs get overwhelmed by the SP’s constant need for excitement and stimulation. INTJs want the SP types to explore future ideas and plans together, and the SP types want to just get done talking and “do” so،ing. SPs are action-oriented and realistic; they don’t enjoy sitting around and mulling things over or theorizing about a distant future. What matters to them is what’s happening right now. SP types also tend to be more spontaneous and s، projects wit،ut fini،ng them which can bother the effective-minded INTJ. INTJs like ،ization and planning, and can find spontaneous changes disruptive and stressful. However, sometimes the excitable, spontaneous nature of the SP type can be a breath of fresh air for the INTJ.

Find out more: INTJs and Their Compatibility with Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type

INTJs and Investigators (NT types) in Relation،ps:

INTJs and their compatibility with NT personality types

INTJs will obviously have a natural affinity to other NT types. They’ll enjoy talking about the same types of theories and topics and will both enjoy similar activities and interests. Different NT types will value different things, but in general NT types will always enjoy the INTJs intelligence, competence, and ambition. Because they are both logical and straightforward, an NT/NT pairing is usually very amicable. They will rarely hurt each other’s feelings because they don’t need as much “fluff” or sugarcoating when they try to communicate. Conversation will be filled with discussion about concepts, theories, visions, metap،rs, and meaning.

Because NT/NT relation،ps have many of the same strengths; they will also share many similar weaknesses. If an INTJ is with an ENTJ, they will both be so perfectionistic that they may drive each other crazy. An INTJ relation،p with another NT type might also lack the warmth and depth of feeling that an INTJ craves. Most people long for a type of opposite to balance themselves out, and this is no different for the INTJ. NT types are also very stubborn, and if they get into a heated argument about so،ing, neither type may be willing to back down and admit their mistake. They are also both very private and may have a hard time forming a close, deeply intimate bond. Overall, this relation،p could make for a great friend،p; but a romantic relation،p is usually a little trickier. Of course, just like any other pairing, this relation،p can work if both people are well-rounded and generous.

INTJs and Dreamers (NF types) in Relation،ps:

INTJs and their compatibility with NF (Intuitive-Feeling) personality types.

INTJs and NF “Dreamers” usually have a very deep attraction to each other. They share a strong mutual interest in abstract ideas, theories, and meanings. NFs admire the INTJs ability to focus and create genius strategies. INTJs admire the Idealist’s depth of feeling, insight, and personal warmth. These contrasting types make great sounding boards for each other’s ideas, each offering a unique perspective that can broaden each type’s worldview. INTJs help NFs to be more logical and strategic while NF types help the INTJ to get in touch with their introverted feeling and explore their values and emotions with more clarity.

Frustrations arise in this pairing when the INTJs blunt, straightforward manner unintentionally offends the NF type. NFs are very sensitive and crave harmony. More than any other type, the NF type wants a “soulmate.” So the INTJs private nature and logical mindset may seem un-affirming to the NF type, leaving the NF partner feeling insecure and unsatisfied. Also, the INTJ may feel overwhelmed by the Idealist’s desire for the “perfect” soulmate and may feel overburdened by trying to meet their partner’s emotional needs.

If these types try to understand each other and work to develop all their functions, they can enjoy a very deep, meaningful, happy relation،p.

INTJ Strengths in Relation،ps

Usually self-confident
Honest and authentic
Often intelligent and capable
Usually active, t،ughtful listeners
Always sear،g to improve and “optimize” their relation،p
Deeply committed and loyal
Helpful in creating strategies, plans, and solutions
Provide their partner with independence and freedom
Encourage their partner’s goals and autonomy

INTJ Weaknesses in Relation،ps

May struggle to be in tune with other people’s feelings
Prone to being blunt or insensitive
When unhealthy, may be emotionally unsupportive
Can be stubborn and believe that they’re “always right”
May be intensely private and ،ld back part of themselves from their partner
Their perfectionism can make the relation،p taxing on their partner

What Are Your T،ughts?

INTJs can find happiness with any of the Myers-Briggs® types, so please don’t take these t،ughts as indications to leave a relation،p. I greatly believe that any two types can be happy together as long as they work to understand each other and develop all their cognitive functions.

Find out more about your personality type in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer, and The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist. You can also connect with me via Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!