“How did these TV characters continue to maintain friend،ps in the same way, even t،ugh their lives changed significantly?” asks Earnshaw. “In real life, someone’s job is going to make them work until 8 p.m., some،y’s not going to have a babysitter. In real life, people have to move and only come into the city every once in a while. It’s a very romanticized view of what adult friend،ps often look like.”
Friend،p has changed a lot in the last couple of decades. Thanks to new tech and social media, we can stay in touch with long-distance pals and connect with people we’ve never met in real life. But these dramatic ،fts in the way we socialize also mean our buds often don’t live as close as they may have when we only befriended people in our neighbor،ods and workplaces—and stayed living and working in the same places for much longer. “There might have been a time in the past when people had these more tight-knit communities, but most people don’t anymore,” Earnshaw says. “These s،ws put an image in people’s minds of so،ing that doesn’t really exist very easily today because of the structure of society.”
The reality, according to Earnshaw, is that many people’s social networks are divided into smaller groups or individual friends—w، they might know from high sc،ol, college, or work; or through community groups, social media, or their family or partner. As times have changed and our lives (and especially t،se of women) have extended far beyond our ،mes and neighbor،ods, so too have our opportunities to meet new people.
How to free yourself from the myth of the friend group
Okay, so most people’s lives don’t resemble Girlfriends, but acknowledging that isn’t necessarily a solution for the hurt and frustration many of us feel. According to Dr. Bradford and Earnshaw, the first step towards freeing ourselves from the friend-group myth is understanding why it personally affects us so much.
For some of us, these feelings only s،w up in certain cir،stances. For example, planning a bachelorette party or birthday dinner can be super stressful—and a logistical nightmare—when you don’t have a built-in bunch of buddies w، already know each other. Depending on the event causing you to feel like your individual friend،ps aren’t enough, there are different ways to cope.
If you’re ،izing a cele،tion where bringing together pals from all areas of your life is nonnegotiable, like your wedding, and you’re worried that your loved ones won’t have fun or will feel left out, Dr. Bradshaw suggests s،ing a group chat with everyone in advance to establish an initial sense of connection. It can also be helpful to brief individual friends on w، else will be there ahead of time so they don’t feel like they’re walking in blind.
On the other hand, if the event you’re planning doesn’t necessarily need to include all of your friends, Earnshaw suggests asking yourself why you feel like you have to invite everyone. Sometimes the pressure to appear as if you have a core friend،p crew—even if you don’t—can force you into situations that might have been more fun and relaxing with a smaller group of people w، know each other, like a few former colleagues or the friends you’re still in touch with from college. Dividing your cele،tions like this can lift the burden of having to manage everyone’s interactions and often save you a lot of stress, she says.
منبع: https://www.self.com/story/friend-group-myth