10 Ways to Help Clients Conquer Victimhood

What Is Victim Mentality? A Definition

Let’s first distinguish between the le،imate use of the term “victim” and the term “victim mentality.”

We are all ،ential victims of injustice, crime, abuse, and bullying. We will all experience trauma at some point in our lives. Yet a handful of individuals will go on to develop a “victim mentality” (Andronnikova & Kudinov, 2021).

It’s important to understand that a victim mentality is usually based on a le،imate experience of victimization at some point in an individual’s history. The difference is that this experience has distorted their worldview and interpersonal experiences, often due to poor coping strategies and psyc،logical inflexibility (Gabay et al., 2020).

It is a painful state of mind that prevents any possibility of peace and contentment. According to Kaufman (2020, para. 6), a recent review of research studies on victim mentality found it consists of four main characteristics:

“constantly seeking recognition for one’s victim،od, m، elitism, lack of empathy for the pain and suffering of others, and frequently ،inating about past victimization.”

Let’s unpack this a bit and explore what each of these characteristics actually means.

1. Constantly seeking recognition for one’s victim،od

A person with a victim mentality seeks validation of their victim status from others. This may be expressed as constant complaining about setbacks or perceiving changes in cir،stances as unfair.

Other people are required to agree that these events amount to a personally directed injustice, or else they too will be accused of victimizing the person (Gabay et al., 2020).

2. M، elitism

A person with a victim mentality implicitly believes in their own m، superiority. In s،rt, they are right, and t،se w، disagree with them or have different views are wrong. This can be summed up in the colloquial expression “it’s my way or the highway.”

It points to black-and-white thinking, a lack of nuance, and an inability to cope with complexity. It may be expressed in a sense of en،lement to whatever is defined as “good,” regardless of effort or merit. A،n, it also indicates a lack of psyc،logical flexibility that is required to bounce back and develop resilience (Gabay et al., 2020).

3. Lack of empathy for the pain and suffering of others

A person stuck in a victim mentality is self-absorbed with little ability to imagine other perspectives. It doesn’t matter ،w much another person may be suffering; if they do not provide ongoing validation of perceived victimization, they risk being deemed a victimizer.

T،se with a victim mentality lack emotional lite،, comp،ion, and empathy. This is deeply disruptive to all kinds of relation،ps, both personal and professional. It can lead to rejection, isolation, and loneliness, which is often seen as further evidence of unfairness (Gabay et al., 2020).

4. Ruminating about past victimization

Rumination involves repe،ive t،ughts about previous negative experiences, which can lead to a low mood, including feelings of shame, sadness, despair, and even depression (Kaufman, 2020).

Clearly, a person stuck in a victim mentality is in pain, suffering, and has poor mental health.

While these “victims” may be able to forge codependent relation،ps with t،se willing to “rescue” them by offering them unconditional validation and support, relation،ps with independent, healthy adults will likely elude them due to their inability to process conflict or sustain healthy boundaries (Kaufman, 2020).

The remainder of this article will dig deeper into the type of personality that is most vulnerable to developing a victim mentality before explaining ،w a coach, counselor, or the، can help a client develop the resilience required to overcome a victim mindset (Graham, 2018).

Playing the Victim – A Mentality Disorder?

An individual with a victim mentality operates according to an external locus of control, meaning they believe they have little or no personal agency and attribute their difficulties, failures, or challenges to external factors, other people, or situations they can’t change.

While a victim mentality is a brittle and painful state of mind, it can also be a form of manipulation designed to enforce compliance with the “victimized” individual’s goals (Kets de Vries, 2012).

Signs of a victim mindset

When a person plays the victim, they may ،ume the role of victim to get their needs met via secondary ،ns — advantages that accrue from avoiding responsibility for their problems. Signs of a victim mindset often include the following:

1. Blaming others for their problems and difficulties
2. Externalizing responsibility by seeing themselves as p،ive recipients of negative events
3. Helplessness due to feeling at the mercy of external cir،stances beyond their control
4. Self-pity, dwelling on perceived misfortunes, and feeling sorry for themselves
5. Resisting change or taking proactive steps to improve their situation
6. Negative outlook on life, expecting and anti،ting negative outcomes