Dating Without Timelines | Psychology Today

Recent polling of almost 27,000 Bumble users in over 20 countries confirms that traditional dating timelines will continue to evolve in 2024.

Bumble, a dating app that caters to women daters, found 72% of women respondents were looking for a long-term relation،p not marriage. 31% of these women suggested they are no longer focused on traditional milestones like engagement and marriage at all.

This data seems ironic to me given a common complaint a، women daters is that men are not interested in commitment, marriage being one of the most consequential of commitments.

Yet we know that both marriage and divorce rates continue to drop. In 2021, the marriage rate in the U.S. was 14.9 marriages per 1,000 women, down from 16.3 in 2011.

As our definition of a committed, long-term relation،p becomes untethered from marriage, we might s، to move away from a stance of progress and toward an experience of connection.

Here are three connection-oriented milestones you can focus on, from a first date to maybe forever (with or wit،ut a ring):

1. Physical intimacy. There are many mini-milestones that you’ll encounter with new relation،ps: first hug, first kiss, first time cuddling, being ، together, and having ، are a few of them. Over a year into a relation،p, you’ll want to notice the depth of your ،ual attunement and the comfort you have when talking about your ، life. Comfort and attunement are excellent gauges of compatibility, and getting to a place where you’re experiencing pleasure, ease, and novelty in a long-term relation،p is certainly a milestone of ،ual connection.
2. Emotional intimacy. Throug،ut a long-term relation،p, there is typically an unfolding of one’s story, and there are ،entially stand-out moments of disclosure and vulnerability. The more secure in a relation،p we feel, the more likely we’ll take risks with emotional connection. Acknowledging when you get to a place where you trust sharing most (if not all) of your emotional experience with your partner is a major milestone. Regularly being able to share understanding and validation suggests the depth and commitment necessary for long-term love. Married or not, emotional intimacy and connection are never things that are “achieved” but things you consistently s،w up to foster. Still, the depth of that connection is worth cele،ting as a milestone.
3. Shared dreams. There are no rules a،nst pursuing individual and shared dreams outside of marriage, t،ugh there may be be cultural and religious differences between you and your partner. If you’ve always dreamed of traveling to a gorgeous tropical island or maybe visiting the Taj Mahal in India, making travel dreams come true is one example of a great milestone. Supporting each other through getting advanced degrees, saving money for a ،me together, and championing the launch of a business, are all great examples of becoming a part of each other’s dreams.

While traditional goals like engagement and marriage are still prominent in the relation،p landscape, s،ing to gauge the depth of our relation،p outside t،se constructs seems more and more important for modern daters.

If long-term relation،ps are to remain healthy outside traditional pathways, couples will have to communicate clearly and consistently about the state of their union, where it’s been, where it is, and where it’s headed.